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  • Kerry Spradley

Late Night Ramblings

Okay, get over yourself. Break time is over. You have felt the feelings. You have cried the tears. You will bury a sweet angel tomorrow. You will continue to love and work and teach and there are plenty of people out there who need help.

What are my jobs?

I am a mom. I take this very seriously. It is my top priority. I am still being a Mom. In many ways, I’m being more of the mom I always wanted to be. I’m home with my boys doing fun things and making good food. The house has gone to shit and I haven’t shaved my armpits, but today we had freshly baked bread.

I am a wife. I used to take this seriously. It used to be my top priority. I am still a wife and my husband is home with me ALL the time now. Perhaps it’s time to re-visit our friendship. I have really enjoyed all the atrocious ‘grief’ eating & drinking that we’ve been doing each night, but perhaps our health could be healthier.

I am a birth & postpartum doula. Oh Mommies. I feel for you. As more hospitals shutter their doors to doulas, visitors & partners, I cannot begin to anticipate what you must be going through right now. Grief, fear, anger, rage, concern, worry, to name a few. What else?

I miss you. I have always felt honored to be present, to be witness, to be welcomed to this most special event in your lives.

Some of you know I had my babies at home. Yes, I did not choose to go to the hospital. But I also did not choose to be alone. I did not choose to be without my husband. Hell, for my second, my firstborn was hanging out in the birth pool with me.

How are you Mommas?

How are you feeling? Physically? Emotionally? Spiritually?

How are you coping?

How are you managing?

What is your plan? A? B? C? Z?

I hope you remember you are NEVER alone. You are certainly facing an unprecedented birthing experience. You are an unfortunate trailblazer.

You are NOT alone. You are with your babe. The two of you (or more than 2) are going through this together.

You likely may have nurses at your side. They will be stretched thin, yes, but their work is heart led and they will be there.

Also, if you are willing, there are literally hundreds of doulas who’s hearts are ripping open right now who would be willing to help. And we can help…virtually. Doula support is happening in a different way right now. If ever you considered professional support, don’t stop considering it because of this craziness. Care is still possible. Phone, text, Skype, Zoom, FaceTime, What’sApp, houseparty…it’s all possible and it’s all valuable and it is all available to YOU. Please. PLEASE for the love of God, reach out to SOMEone. You do not have to be alone. Please phone a friend, or go for the 50/50, use some lifeline, please. Mommas…YOU. ARE. NOT. IN. THIS. ALONE!

I am a yoga teacher. Oh my yogis. I feel I have let you slip through my fingers. All I can say is similar to my last post. I was not equipped to be present in the way I wished to be. Today I had the pleasure of hearing a midwife say that it was important to stay healthy and grounded so that our clients could stay healthy and grounded. I was not healthy and grounded last week. I am clawing my way back to it.

I am also trying to find a means of reaching out virtually in a similar fashion as we normally do. I have tried making some videos. ‘Eh.’ is my response.

I am willing to try Zoom or Skype or Facebook Live and I need to know what you think. What do you want? How can I serve? What do you need?

I have always felt the ‘community’ portion of our classes is truly the most valuable. You can find asanas anywhere…. How can we make this happen? Please send me your feedback. Let me know how I can help? How I can serve?

I end this pretty much the same way as the last one [if you’ve read this whole thing]….I miss you! I love you all! I love what I do and would be honored to find a way to keep doing what I do in a way that is still valuable to you. Please let me know. Email, text, call, reach out.

You do not have to go it alone. Not any one of us does. Peace, peace, peace to you all.

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