Never in a million years would I have said this about myself. Thank you my sweet nephew for uttering these words about me and forever changing my perception of myself and those around me.
A couple years ago, I luckily overheard my youngest nephew say of his Aunt Kerry, "She fears nothing". I was flabbergasted. I instantly wrote it down and have been trying to remember it ever since. It's so incredible to me that not only can we have misguided perceptions of other people but, other people have all sorts of perceptions about US.
How cool is it that my nephew thinks this of me? What about me has led him to believe this? When I would say the very opposite. I spend a LOT of days riddled with anxiety, second/third/fourth guessing myself and often staying stagnant on this treadmill we call life. Yesterday, when some unusual free time entered my world, I used it to start this mural in my little office. Perhaps if I throw this thought on my wall, I really can embody all that positivity my nephew sees in me.
I started in pencil, timidly scribbling 'she fears nothing' in close proximity to my desk. I had done it. I had marked up my previously perfect white wall. 'She fears NOthing'. That is badass. Pencil doesn't do it justice. Bigger. Bolder. Broader. More. The colors came forth, mixing, calming, freeing. My son got curious. I welcomed him in. (He is very rarely welcomed into my fortress of solitude....why? He is my every reason. He is a source of joy.) "Come on in bud. Are you hungry? Do you want a snack?"
"I can eat in your office?"
"Yes love. Today is a very special day. You can eat in the office."
Goldfish led to laughter. Laughter led to imagining. Imagining led to more joy in my heart and some of my son's creativity splattered on the wall. I was emboldened.
When his brother awoke, our little guy was invited in. "Do you want to paint, my love?" "YESSSH."
I have not painted for myself in a very long time. Yesterday was cathartic. It was an awakening, a calling. It is my reminder to myself to step boldly. To do. To truly believe what's for me won't pass me. And to show those fear monsters to the door.